


Dread Seeps In

by ScifiSOS



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Kinda Auish, Trespasser DLC, Trespasser Spoilers, kinda angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-09-15
Packaged: 2018-04-20 22:05:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4803932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScifiSOS/pseuds/ScifiSOS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She doesn’t question him as he expected, so he talks because he doesn’t know what else to do.</p><p>Dread seeps in his bones. his vhenan has never been so quiet. </p><p>[TRESPASSER DLC SPOILERS]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dread Seeps In

**Author's Note:**

> Trespasser Spoilers. Solasvallen feels. 
> 
> And I did not edit this, at all. So sorry if its just blah.

_“Solas.”_

_She cries out as the anchor kills her, he tries to stay cold, to not let himself feel the love, guilt, and despair creeping up on him. He bids the anchor to stop. It helps little._

_“That should give us more time, I suspect you have questions.”_

_“The Qunari were trying to kill you. I wanted to get here first.” Her face reveals little, and Solas finds himself lost at not being able to read her as well as he used to anymore._

_“I know. They sought an agent of Fen’Harel. I am no one’s agent but my own. I fear that the truth is much simpler, and much worse than the Qunari believed.” He watched as realization dawned on her face._

_“You’re Fen’Harel.”_

_“I was Solas first. Fen’Harel came later…an insult I took as a badge of pride. The Dread Wolf inspired hope in my friends and fear in my enemies…not unlike ‘Inquisitor’, I suppose.”_

_“And now you know, what is the old Dalish curse? May the Dread Wolf take you?”_

Solas stood there, still, he waited for her full reaction but she stared. He waited for her questions, but she just stared. He waited for more, but she did nothing. Her eyes dull and dead, different from when he last saw her – full of anger and determination. Even then, those eyes were not her eyes. Full of life and full of hope, so curious and so beautiful. Each had burned through his very being, but these eyes gripped his chest and threatened to rip it open.

He begun to speak, answering questions she never asked. Dread seeped into his bones as he continued. His vhenan has never been so quiet.  His Ghewen had taken blows, verbally and physically, but come out smiling.

\--

 _Overwhelming fear, as the troll flung her across the clearing, heart thudding against his ribs. ‘Vhenan!’ he screamed. Why is she not moving? Another attack he saw from the corner of his eye, towards him this time, hands raised- too late for a barrier, but **is she all right**? The beast roared as lightning struck it. His neck hurt with how fast he turned his head._ _Her golden eyes lands on him, then a smile that could light the world. Broken and bloody but still alive as she lunged herself at the giant once again._

Another memory lurches forward _, whispers behind her back. ‘Certain things never change’ he thinks with amusement. ‘That elf, that knife-eared, Herald of Andraste my arse. A fraud, another power hungry elf. That’s the Herald. The Herald, she’s beautiful. I must have the name of her tailor. She is like Halamshirel, so beautiful and exudes power.’ Ghewen walked with her head high in confidence, despite the demeaning comments or extravagant praises. Her dress honoring her Dalish heritage subtly while accommodating Orlesian fashion. Her hair falling in soft curls around exposed shoulders, her corset gently pushing up her breasts, accentuating the curve of her waist. Heat coils and his cock stirs as she sneaks a coy look his way, all the while playing these nobles like an instrument. She knows what she does to him. To others. She knows of the whispers and the stares. Yet she comes to him, brushing her hand against his gently, leaning in and whispering ‘I bet you’d bed me now, if you could.”_

_\---_

When he finishes explaining everything. She began to question him. He answered, he gently reminded her that he is not a monster, that he is not Corypheus, that he had plans, that she’s accomplished so much – not because of him. But as the questions began to pile, he watched in horror as everything she hid revealed itself.

She is afraid. Of him. Of something. Of death, perhaps. Anger, there is a hint of it. Love? How could she still love _him_? After all he's done. All he's about to do.

“Solas, _I am so tired_.” She spoke, no hesitation – as always. However, there was a waver in her voice.

And his broken heart felt the piercing blow.

“I am _so tired_ of living.” He saw her tremble, eyes watering, and _oh no. Please_. He could not bear to see her like this. “I am so done with being a leader. I never wanted the Anchor. I didn’t want to be Herald. Not Inquisitor. I never had a choice in this.” She looked at him, eyes wide with anger and fear and weariness. “I accepted being the Herald of something I don’t even believe in. I have accepted that I could not fix everything between Templars and mages but still blamed for my inability to do so. I have listened to criticism from you and countless others over ALL my choices. The choices YOU or ANYONE else never tried to make, yet felt so strongly about. I let you take a parts of me,” Her voice rose, breaking yet strong. Her golden eyes seemed to have a sickly green flickering into them. “And I have let you convince me that it should not have been. That I did not know my own reasons for believing in them, because the Dalish has it all wrong. I let myself be blinded because I love you. I-“ She choked down a sob. “I have been dragged through so many things I didn’t want to do but had to – because of, what is apparently, YOUR FUCKING ANCHOR.”

He wanted to step back as she closed in on him, but couldn’t move. He deserved this. He held his breath as she shoved him, gently, so gently that it hurt him even more. She couldn’t even find it within herself to hit him, to hate him?

“I accepted the responsibility of taking down a madman who believed himself a god. Yet here I am getting more shit for all the GOOD I’ve tried to do.” She clenched her fists and quickly wiped her tears away. “I have even traveled through time and seen a bleak future, but it does not compare to THIS and the future that can come from this. I come running to help you, like the **_STUPID_ ** girl I am, to stop the Qunari from killing you – to find out you were the cause of ALL of it?”

She shoved him again, hit his chest – but gently. They never hurt and he could do nothing but look down at her as she finally moved away and folded into herself.

“When am I going to have a choice in this? Tell me, Solas, when you are going to open your eyes and realize that you are making mistake over mistake over mistake because of your fucking inability to let go of your past?” Pain, she spoke true _and yet_ –

“Why?” He flinched when her hand pressed against his cheek. He couldn’t stop himself when he finally leaned into it. “Why didn’t you just let Corypheus destroy us all and stop him yourself in the end?”

“He would have destroyed any chances I had of-“

“Restoring your world, but look at what you’ve done.” Her warm hand left, and he pushed the urge to hold onto it back into his heart. He followed her hand, staring at the stone army of Qunari he had forgotten. “How can I see this and not believe you could have ended all of it yourself?”

He swallowed, his memory recalling the body of his dead friend. Apologies echoing behind it, he looked away from Ghewen. “And the mark, Solas, the mark is getting worse. I don’t have time left to save you. To save the world from you.” He glanced at her and opened his mouth to speak, but the look she gave quieted him. “Why couldn’t I be enough? Why can’t I be enough?”

He looked down again, ashamed, and thoroughly heartbroken. “You judge the Dalish, but you don’t realize that you are just like us. Trying to piece together a world that was loss a long time ago.”

He stilled and looked at her again. A bit of anger seeping through, at her – at himself – at everything. “Did you not say to ‘step back, take a breath, and start over again’? I have taken my breath, and I am prepared to try again. Ghewen, I am only trying to right my wrongs.”

She had been so gentle that he was not prepared for the sting of her slap. He clutched his cheek and stared at her.

“You work with what you have! Not with what you don’t. Solas, that world is **gone**. You can rebuild it from what is left, or you can continue on the path you are on now and destroy us all.” She swallowed and gently placed her hand over his. “Ir abelas, emma lath. You can destroy me or you can live with me, a life full of love. Ar lath ma, ma vhenan, stay with me, please. All I ask is for you to love me. I just want this all to end, I just want to live my life with you. _I just want us to be happy_.”

She is temptation. She is hope. She is love. She is the embodiment of the happiness they could have. Will have? Perhaps, he could…perhaps they could-

She screamed. She flung herself away from him as her hand flashed wildly. He tried to still the anchor, but it must have reached its limit because it lifted her into the air and-

He groaned, getting up off the ground. When she whimpered, he quickly got up and made his way to her. ' _Ir abelas'_ his mind whispered over and over again. To her. To the people. To Mythal.

Her golden hair spread around her, she curled into a ball, body jerking as the mark spread – like a disease.

His eyes hardened. He did this. “I am sorry, vhenan, but we are running out of time.” He said, always sorry. He couldn’t feel anything. Because he did this. He hurt her, time and time again. Even when he had no intention to. Because he had a mission. Because he had to fix things. His people still needed him. He had to fix this, to ask for the forgiveness of the people he failed long ago. To let her live her life, without him, as much as she can before he...loses her. 

Her eyes open, pain receding, she forced herself to sit up and cuffed the back of his head. He froze, her lip against his. And he caved. He pushed everything he felt into it. His desperation, his sorrow, his guilt, his love, all of his wishes poured into one kiss. He could feel her, begging him not to go. She tightened her arms around him, tried to let it linger, but pulled back again to quiver in pain.

“I am sorry, my love.” He whispered. He placed his hand on her arm, kissed her gently, and let his magic save her. He pulled back. “This will stop it from spreading, for now.” Her forearm is already disintegrating, it should be gone soon. _Ir abelas_.

He stepped back, turning away. He mourned the loss of her already, because no matter what happened – they would lose each other. Each step ensuring that the happiness they want, will never be.

“Solas!” He paused; head turned enough for her to know that he listens. “Var lath vir suledin!”

He looked at the Eluvian, tears beginning to form in his eyes. She's tired, but willing to fight. For him. He did not deserve such love. “I wish it could, vhenan,“ he whispered, “I will never forget you.”

He stepped through the Eluvian, closing it, then fell to his knees and let out a guttural sob.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Man, I need to work on my writing. But I hope you enjoyed this. 
> 
> Ghewen Levallen is not inquisitor in my headcanon but takes over as keeper of their [Vayla Lavellan, Taevan Levallen, and her] clan, but basing her on what I’ve previously wrote, with her being Inquisitor, I don’t think she would be so…calm and accepting. How I write her/ invision her, she would never handle this kind of leadership. Being clan keeper is a different kind of leadership – not as daunting as being Inquisitor. I just imagine her as tired and so done. Blunt. She just wants to be with him in some secluded mountain away from all the shit that is the Inquisition and the world in general. She just wants to be happy and with him - but she's so tired of him and his bullshit at the same time.
> 
> Not to mention no matter which option you choose in game [except the nope no questions bit lol] that you don’t really get to be MAD at Solas. Or give him a lecture. Or just do something than other ask questions and get a half-assed reasoning. Or that he just...he's just GAH. It's not as emotional as I'd like it to be. I'm a sucker for those type of stories but it could have been more.
> 
> Hell this fic could be more but I suck and I can never get it quite right but I tried and I got it out of my head - kind of. I plan to do a version where ALL of da: I oc's are in it. Vayla being inquisitor. The alternative for non-inquisitor Ghewen joining and meeting Solas. Celestia T., etc etc.
> 
> I plan on designing Halamshiral dresses for all my inquisitors. And a more...suitable....outfit for the advisers and the other companions. Because...I just...hate...that...THING. It's just...gah.
> 
> FYI: I still suck at titles. Sue me.


End file.
